36-ish Weeks

Ah.  The home stretch. I am currently 36 weeks and 5 days along. So, pretty much 37 weeks. But whatever. I only have three weeks left until my due date. I'm hoping he comes a little early (kind of), but Dan would prefer if he waited until after Christmas to make his debut.

This week Clark is full term, depending on where you look. Some websites claim 37 weeks to be full term, but some claim 39 weeks is full term. I'm just happy he is still growing and developing. As much as I would like to have him here now, I would rather he stay cooking until he is all ready. ;)

He is the size of a winter melon this week. Again, where are these people finding all these obscure fruits and vegetables? I have no idea what a winter melon is.  From pictures, it looks like a giant cucumber. Here is one for your viewing pleasure:

We are FINALLY homeowners!! We love our new house and we are almost completely unpacked. My beautiful sister Tori came over and helped me put Clark's crib together. The recliners that Dan and I picked out will be coming Christmas Eve. I have washed and folded all of Clark's clothes and blankets. I have packed his hospital bag and packing mine is on the agenda for this week. I am starting to feel like we are actually somewhat prepared. There is still a lot to do, however. We will get there, I'm sure. It might all happen after he is born, but what can you do. I will do my best to get pictures soon.

Cravings: None, really. I still eat inhumane amounts of peanut butter every day though. I may not be able to eat peanut butter (or Honey Bunches of Oats) after this pregnancy.

Wedding Ring: Still wearing the sub-par replacement.

Sleep: Same as always. Can't seem to get enough of it.

Signs of Labor: Quite a lot actually! Two days ago, I had a lot of contractions. None of them were consistent enough to call it 'real' labor, but they must have done something. I had my doctor appointment yesterday and they "checked" me for the first time. I am currently measuring at 2 cm and am 70% effaced. Yay for progress before actual labor pain! Clark is in the "negative one" stage, which means he is still really high up. Apparently second babies rarely "drop" until you are in full labor. I have also had quite a few contractions yesterday, but again, none of them were consistent. They are, however, getting stronger. They are still not strong enough for me to stop what I'm doing or saying, but they are stronger.

Best Moment of the Week:  Putting Clark's room in order and building his crib. I can't wait to have everything ready for this babe to come!

What I'm Looking Forward To: The recliners Dan and I bought to come on Christmas Eve. We bought two because they were on super sale or something. Also, because we are not good at sharing. Seriously, I think I sat in it for a good half hour in the store. I haven't been that comfortable in months.

34 Weeks

Heyo! I am 34 weeks along today! I have not been good at writing these on the actual day that I graduate from week to week. Sorry about that. I will attempt to be better at that. Maybe. It all depends on how many episodes of Gillmore Girls I end up watching on Thursdays. (I think I'm on number 5 right now. I would be embarrassed, but I'm not. What? It's a good show!)

I'm not planning on changing out of my pajamas today.
So here is a very cute piece of pregnancy art that I'm seriously considering buying
instead of a scary photo of me.
You're welcome.

Clark is currently the size of a cantaloupe...I think we did this one already. Is a summer cantaloupe different from a regular cantaloupe? I think that's what he was a couple weeks ago. Any how, he is approx. 4.75 pounds and 18 inches long.  Half of every pound I gain until he is born is from him. He is swallowing about a pint of amniotic fluid every day, practicing for when he is born.  He is quickly running out of room, and is expressing his displeasure (or maybe he likes it?) by planting his feet in my ribs and kicking anything that intrudes on his shrinking bedroom. (like Daddy's arm or head if rested on my tummy. I love it.)

I got our car seat in the mail this week! We are skipping the infant car seat stage all together and going straight to the convertible.  This thing is giant. Clark is going to look so tiny in it. I installed it into my car yesterday...for those of you who don't know, my car is a tiny Honda Civic coupe. It fits, but barely. And getting him in and out will require no small amount of gymnastics. Luckily, it fits better in Dan's car where it will live most of the time anyway. (It has seat anchors, and mine doesn't)

You may remember me complaining about my pregnancy induced monster acne. If you have seen me lately, you have come face to face with it. I'm sorry. It is scary. These are not just little zits. These are giant, painful, red, tender, welts that are very distantly related to acne only because that's what my doctor says it is. I have tried everything you can safely do while pregnant to get rid of them. And...TaDa! I found a way! Dan and I buy the Thieves Hand Soap from Young Living Essential Oils and one day (Monday) I decided to wash my face with it. A few hours later and I saw a MAJOR difference in my complexion. Thank goodness for not looking like a 16 year old with volcano level acne.

Cravings: Nothing in particular the past week. Brownies. My Mother-In-Law made these super good homemade brownies and they smelled soooo gooooood. Which isn't good because of my doctor mandated no-sugar rule.

Belly Button: Same old same old. No change.

Wedding Ring: Bah. I wish I was still wearing it. I went out with Tori to do some Black Friday shopping and found a (sub par) replacement that is large enough to not freak Dan out. That means it is also large enough to fling off my finger at random times. Oddly enough, this happens mostly in the bathroom, where it almost always barely misses falling into the toilet.

Sleep: Same as always. Needing more and more and needing to go the bathroom more and more. A nap is a daily need now. Sometimes, this nap happens after a few hours of waking up for the day. Everything makes me tired now. Especially showers. I dread taking them because I know I will want a nap afterwards and then I ruin my chances of any semblance of a good hair day.

Signs of Labor: Just the random contraction every now and again. And pelvic pressure that comes and goes. Nothing to indicate Clark's arrival anytime soon.

Best and Worst Moment of the Week: Remember when I said we would be moving a few weeks ago? Well, that didn't happen.(Worst) This weekend, though, is the real deal! We are closing on Friday. (Best) So that means we are ACTUALLY moving this weekend! I have seriously been freaking out that we are not in our house and I am this far along. Clark could come literally any day and we are grossly underprepared.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Sleeping on my back again. I have been missing it this last week. It will be even better when I have an adorable babe to snuggle with.

Dream Baby (Adoption Related Post)

A little more than 5 years ago (ok, more than a little), I was pregnant with my first child. And I was single. I was about 15 weeks pregnant and was exploring my options within adoption. I had learned that I could have an open adoption and that my relationship with my child wouldn't end tragically with me in the hospital, weeping and tearing my hair out, never to see my baby again. I had learned that I could choose the people who would raise my baby. 

I made a list. This was a very detailed list of attributes I wished the parents of my baby to have. I didn't have anything in common with these two (supposably imaginary, as I never thought I could find people with everything I wanted) people, other than I knew I wanted to be like them "when I grew up." Here is a VERY SMALL sample of my requirements:

Her:

Stay at home mom

Likes to craft

Makes her own baby food

Plays with her kids

Strong testimony of the Gospel 

Loves music

Teaches her children of Christ

Supports her husband as father to her children

--I had a LOT more requirements for the mother of this family than the father. Like two handwritten pages full of them. My reasoning was, that if I could find a woman who fit my list, she wouldn't choose a dud of a husband, so to speak. She would be smart enough to find a partner who matched her. 

Him:

Returned missionary

Stable job

His kids are sad to see him go to work and thrilled to have him come home

Supports his wife as mother to his children

Strong testimony of the Gospel

Priesthood holder

Plays with his children

I chose these things because that what I imagined myself and my future husband would be like when we had children. If I couldn't give my child all these things myself right then, then I was going to find people who would.

I spent weeks looking online and bawling as I imagined placing my baby. I knew through personal revelation that the family I was looking for had already adopted. Also, I knew I wanted an open relationship and (selfishly) didn't want to be the guinea pig in an open adoption, so I was specifically looking for a family that had already adopted and had an open relationship with their first child's birth parents.

After receiving some help from my angel counselor, I thought I found a family. A few things stood out to me. One, I didn't bawl my eyes out reading their profile. In fact, I laughed. Two, I felt like I was reading what a future me and future husband would have written. 

I started emailing them back and forth to get to know them better.  I didn't even tell them I was pregnant, however, I was emailing them through LDS Family Services, so I guess they knew. 

I liked this couple, but I wasn't convinced yet.

Up to this point, I was convinced I was having a boy. I had been having dreams of me holding a baby boy, so I was convinced I was pregnant with a boy. Around week 20, I had an ultrasound. When I was told I was having a girl, I was shocked. I KNEW I was having a boy! I had them triple check, and after multiple scans to make sure, I was convinced to the reality of being pregnant with a girl. 

Baby Girl. She never left that upside-down position.

That night I had two very vivid dreams. In one, I saw Evige (the woman of the family I was communicating with) holding a baby girl. In the other, I saw myself holding that same baby boy I had been dreaming about my whole pregnancy, with a shadow of a man behind me. These dreams told me 1) Evige is this little girl's mother, and 2) I was to have a baby boy sometime in the future with my future husband. 

Evige and Sara, with Jorgen and Matt in the background.
 This is the day Sara was sealed to her family.

This dream, combined with a few other very large signs from our Heavenly Father, convinced me to the reality that my baby girl was intended to be raised by Matt and Evige. 

Why am I writing about this now? 

Because I am pregnant with my dream baby boy. And I have a husband who exceeds my list of requirements, as I try to live up to my own list. 

I love this man with all my heart and soul.
I am so lucky to call him my husband.

I thank Heavenly Father every day for giving me that bit of hope in the darkest and saddest part of my life. I knew that I would have a baby boy. And that I was to be his mother. I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me for who I am and supports me. I am so blessed to be pregnant with my promised baby boy. I have hoped and wished for my growing little family for years and years. And I am overwhelmed by joy. 

My Dream Baby.
I can't wait to hold Clark in my arms, as he has been
in my heart for years.

32 Weeks

This last week went by so fast. I can only hope time continues to go by fast. Kind of. I have loved feeling Clark kick me...and also kind of not loved it at the same time (I can only be kicked in the ribs so often before I try to move him). I can't wait to have him in my arms.

I am 32 weeks along! I am feeling more and more tired and I run out of breath very fast. If Clark comes the same time as Sara did, that gives us four weeks before he comes. Hopefully, he won't come that early.

At 32 weeks, Clark is the size of a Florida Pomelo. Whatever that is. Here is a picture of one.

So, a giant grapefruit? I dunno. 

He weighs 3.75 pounds and is about 16.7 inches long. 

Fun fact- My blood volume has increased by 40-50% since becoming pregnant. 

Cravings: Thanksgiving food. I can't wait! We alternate Thanksgiving every year and this year is with Dan's family. They have a tradition of going to Little America for the buffet there.  I have been excited for Thanksgiving since June. 

Belly Button: Mostly out. But still kinda in. 

Wedding Ring: Still banned from wearing it. But I think I have swollen enough that it wouldn't fit if tried.

Sleep: Alright. I have had to get up a thousand times to go to the bathroom because I am just so thirsty all the time. I usually have to get a drink in the middle of the night too. But, I wake up exhausted and usually have to take a nap during the day.

Signs of Labor: I had three contractions yesterday. They were random and not very painful. So Braxton Hicks, I suppose. Practice makes perfect!

Best (and also worst) Moment of the Week: Worst: Finding out that the loan we wanted to use (USDA) will not accept our loan.  Best: I have the best husband ever who works so hard for our family, so we can do a different loan (conventional). We will be closing on our house around December 1st. The sellers have offered to let us move in before closing, so that means we are moving into our house THIS WEEK!! I am so excited! I will post pictures. 

What I'm Looking Forward To: When I can hold my son in my arms. I have been looking forward to holding him for 5 years. I will do another blog post about this soon. I am so in love with this little boy, I sometimes zone out thinking about it. 

Here is a picture of me...ok, of my tummy. Instagram cut out my face. It's all about Clark anyway, right?

Ahoy! It's A Boy!

The WONDERFUL ladies in my Mother's ward threw me a shower last Thursday. It was amazing! The decorations were so adorable.

My "Diaper Cake" was a boat! How cute!

Honestly, I was looking forward to having a baby shower from the moment I found out I was pregnant.  A baby shower seems like it is a such a big...I dunno...validation? Like, ok, you ARE going to have a baby. And soon! I was so happy to have all the ladies from my "home" ward gather around me and be so happy for me.

"Clam" sandwich

I am so luck to have grown up in a ward where I can still feel welcome and at home even when I haven't been in the ward for years. I don't think I could ever thank these ladies enough for all the support they have given me and my family throughout the years.

"Oyster" cookies

Add caption

Napkin with a Life Saver

"Octopus" red pepper dip

"Life preserver" donuts

ADORABLE decorations

Thank you so much for your generosity 2nd Ward ladies! ALL the gifts I received are adorable, useful, and so very needed! I feel spoiled and so very loved by all of you. Thank you for helping me feel like a mommy-to-be!  This party was so much more to me than a celebration of Clark. It was a celebration of becoming a mom. A celebration of all my dreams coming true.

Thank you!!

31 Weeks!

Have you heard that Mountain Star Hospital commercial that is titled something like "A Pregnancy in 30 Seconds"?  Well I'm to the point where she says, "I feel fat." Not that I am fat, but that I literally take up more room than I think. I went to my doctor appointment on Monday and I had a bruise (that I cannot see) on my lower tummy. Probably from opening doors and cabinets on my belly all day.

Anyway, I am 31 weeks along! According to my new non-stress inducing pregnancy app, Clark is the size of a head of romaine lettuce. Now, is that Costco size, or nah? Cause that makes a HUGE difference. He should be 17 1/2 inches tall and weigh over 3 1/2 pounds. He is apparently gaining a half pound a week. Maybe more. I have a feeling he is going to be a big baby.


Cravings: Pomegranates. I have asked Dan to give me a Costco case of them to me for Christmas. I want to open them all up at once into a huge bowl and I might share.  Maybe.

 Belly Button: Same old, same old.

Wedding Ring: I'm still banned from wearing it. So, nope.

Sleep: Eh. Alright. I get really thirsty at night and end up drinking 9 or so glasses of water between dinner and going to bed. So that has greatly affected my sleep.

Signs of Labor: None, but I can feel Clark starting to drop. Which is a strange sensation.

Best Moment of the Week: My mother came with me to my doctor appointment and she got to hear Clark's heart beat! After that, we went to the mall and she bought me some really cute maternity jeans, shirts, and sweater. I love clothes that fit! Also, the ladies in my mom's ward threw me a shower. :) I loved it! More on that later. It is it's own post.

Worst Moment of the Week: Hearing that my sweet little niece Ellie is back in the hospital. Poor little girl (and mommy and daddy) can't get a break!

What I'm Looking Forward To: Unpacking all of the (seriously) AWESOME gifts I got at my shower! Honestly, I don't know any better ward than my parents ward. SO generous!

Complaining

I am not one to complain. Usually. Normally, my answer to the question "How are you today?" is a genuine, "I'm doing great!". I have noticed lately that my complaining has gone up quite a bit while pregnant and I think I have discovered why.

I recently complained on Facebook about having to under go a common medical test concerning my pregnancy. One of my friends who is currently pregnant with her miracle baby after struggling with infertility for years called me out on it. And rightly so. I should be grateful that I had no trouble getting pregnant or staying pregnant. However, I felt like I had a right to complain and didn't know why I felt this way. P.S. Thank you Friend, for the virtual kick in the pants. Because I have felt pain at other's complaining, I needed the reminder that I could be more compassionate and aware. Hopefully, my online complaining has decreased.  

I know that there are probably friends of mine who are struggling with infertility right now, but quietly and privately. Or are longing for children but for one reason or another, it is not time yet. To see a post about me complaining about being pregnant I'm sure is a stab to their emotions and it may feel like I am adding to their pain. I am so sorry for your pain. I know a bit of how that feels. I know this because I experienced a bit of this jealousy and pain myself after I placed Sara.
Note: I do not pretend to know the pain of waiting for a child and being unable to have one. I know that my pain after placement is not necessarily greater or less than the pain of infertility - It's just different. 

After Sara was born, I went through major jealousy issues. I unfriended anyone on Facebook that had a child under two years old. I couldn't handle seeing their happiness. It made me too sad to see it. I couldn't handle hearing the complaints of how so-and-so's daughter was throwing tantrums all day and all I could think was, "I would give ANYTHING to deal with a tantrum all day if it meant I could be Sara's momma!". I realize now that my pain should not get in the way of other's happiness.  The fact that I was in pain should not change how anyone was living their lives. I should not have expected everyone to put their lives, their happiness (or frustration at their kids), on hold while I healed.

So this is why I think I have upped my my complaining game:

I didn't feel like I deserved to complain while pregnant with Sara. 

I said this out loud to Dan the other day and it came out weird, but I will say it again as I cannot come up with a better way to explain it.

I didn't feel like I deserved to because I had basically gotten myself into that situation. (I know, I know. Just hold on. I will explain.)
Being pregnant and single, I felt like I didn't deserve to complain about the pregnancy because it was my fault for being there. It was my fault I didn't wait until marriage. It was my fault I was having to choose a family other than myself to be my child's family. I felt like if I complained, then I was accepting that being pregnant and single was a good thing for myself and for my child. So I buckled down and accepted what was coming at me. Because I deserved it. (In my mind)

Fast forward to being in a very happy marriage, where my husband and I were both ready for a child and are excited to bring a baby into our hearts and home. I feel safe. I feel happier than I've ever been. And honestly, this hasn't been a hard pregnancy.

But I'm complaining.

BECAUSE I feel safe. BECAUSE I am happy. BECAUSE I feel like I finally deserve to feel like I CAN complain. And honestly, I think the complaining is doubled from what it would normally be. Like I'm making up for lost time.

So when you hear me complain about my hips for the thousandth time, just remember it's because I feel like I finally can.

Week 30

Huzzah! Ten weeks left until my due date! The last ten flew by, so I'm hoping that's what happens for the next ten weeks too. Unless he comes early...We will cross that bridge if it comes.

This is what is going on with Clark and me in week 30:

Clark is about 15.7 inches long and about 3 pounds. Apparently, that's about the size of a large cabbage.  His vision is improving, but only slightly. He is still practicing "breathing" and is swallowing quite a bit of amniotic fluid a day.

Now that I am in the third trimester, I am expected to get more tired and clumsy as the weeks go on. That explains a lot, actually.

Here is the list:

Cravings: Nothing in particular. I did have a pretty intense craving for another BLT the other day. But nothing new.

Belly Button: Same as two weeks ago. Kinda in, kinda out.

Wedding Ring: Off. :(  Boo. I have been banned from wearing it since this last weekend.  Dan and I cat/house sat for my brother and his wife while they were gone. My fingers were swollen, but I was determined to keep wearing it. So, I shoved it on. My finger turned purple instantly, and Dan had to slowly twist it off while I whimpered in pain. So, Dan banned me from wearing it for the rest of the pregnancy. I think I could still wear it most days, but alas, it is not to be.

Sleep:  I'm doing ok in this area. Mostly. I am sleeping A LOT, though. I keep waking up to find myself on my back which freaks me out, but thats ok.

Signs of Labor: No, but I'm starting to feel huge.

Best Moment of the Week: Our house drama finally took another step forward. Hopefully USDA approves of the work being done and will take our loan. Positive thoughts toward this happening are VERY appreciated.

Worst Moment of the Week: My mom started chemo last week. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer and it has been very...I'm struggling to find the right word here. Stressful. Emotional. Sad. Nerve-wracking. Choose any of those. My mother has been so strong and brave about the whole thing. I'm so proud of her and hope that I would handle such a life changing challenge as gracefully and as bravely as she has.

What I'm Looking Forward To: The house we are buying has a giant soaking tub in the master bath. I can't wait to take a bath where water covers all of me and not just 60% or so.

Victories of the Week: Not peeing my pants once! I have been a little extra sneezy lately. I'm not sick, but it does cause some problems with keeping myself dry. Yay for not needing to change half way through the day!

Here is a really crappy picture of my giant belly.

28 Weeks

Alright. I had to delete my app that told me what size Baby Clark is each week. Mostly because it was giving me anxiety and I have enough problems with that all on my own without an app making it worse. Sooooo, that means no more really lame vegetable/fruit comparisons! I know you will all miss it.

I had my doctor appointment yesterday. (To which I'm now going every two weeks!) I am in the third trimester and my fundal (uterus) height is measuring at 30 weeks. Doc says this is ok, but since I've failed my gestational diabetes test by one point, we will keep a close eye on that to make sure Clark doesn't get too big. I have also cut out all sweets from my diet to help prevent that from happening. Which means I am eating lots of peanut butter sandwiches to help get me over my craving for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. (Dang you Halloween candy isle)


This Week:

Cravings: BLT sandwiches. I begged Dan to take me to JCW's last night and I got the biggest sandwich ever. The amount of bacon on that sandwich was crazy. And I ate the whole thing. I may or may not have still been hungry afterwards as well.

What part of bacon don't you understand??

Belly Button: All the way out, but only after I eat.

Wedding Ring: Still On! Woot!

Sleep: My body kicked off the third trimester with a bang last week by not letting me sleep. Like, at ALL. I would lay awake all night and finally drift off to sleep sometime between 6 AM and 8 AM. This may have also been exasperated by Dan's absence. He was gone all week on a business trip.

Signs of Labor: No thank goodness. I am getting Braxton Hicks more and more often, though.

Best Moment of the Week: I spent the week at my parents house while Dan was gone. My sister has this adorable/weird (mostly adorable)
bird who I would attempt to play with. The bird's name is Chadwick. Anyhow, Chadwick could tell when Clark was awake and kicking and would fly to my stomach. He would lean his head down and talk/chirp to Clark until he was kicked. Chadwick would then move to a different spot on my stomach and would do it all over again. It was ADORABLE.

Worst Moment of the Week:  Not sleeping. I love to sleeeeeeeep.

What I'm looking forward to: Pretty sure this one is going to stay the same until we move. I am looking forward to being in our house with all our stuff and my bed! I miss my bed...

Victories of the Week: Digging through boxes in the storage unit and successfully finding all my cold weather clothes. I have been freezing the past week.

3 Years

Dan and I have been married for 3 years! That is so crazy. It seems like we have been married forever, but then at the same time it feels like it was just yesterday that we were married at the Salt Lake Temple.

Look how skinny I was! Dan is always the better looking one.

I have loved Dan for a long time. We dated for 2 years before we were married and I didn't think I would ever love him more than the day we got married. Since then, my love for dan has grown and developed more than I ever thought possible. He is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without him.

Dan is so hard working. He works very hard to ensure that I don't have to work and so we can have what we need and want. I can't wait to see him as a father. He is a wonderful Uncle and loves babies. I cry when I think about seeing Dan hold Clark for the first time. I'm sure I will cry just as hard (or harder, I'm sure) when that does happen in a few months.

These girls love Dan.

Five years ago I thought I would never be happy again. I thought I had lost the ability to be happy. On my wedding day three years ago, I remember thinking about Alma. After having been forgiven of his sins he proclaims,

"Oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"

Alma 36:20

I felt that same way. As though the strength of my misery (emotional, physical, and spiritual) was completely turned around and changed into complete joy! I can't tell you how great this feeling is. It is as though every cell of my body would burst from happiness.

I love you Dan and can't wait to see what happiness and joy the future has in store for us.

26 Weeks

I know, I know. I'm late with this update.  This week Clark's eyes open and he can see a bright light shining on my belly. He is as big as an eggplant (wait...wasn't he an eggplant last week too??) or about 9.2 inches long and weighs about 2 pounds.

This week:

Cravings: Sweets. I want all the sweets I can get my hands on.

Belly Button: Same as last week. Not all the way out, but not all the way in either.

Wedding Ring: On!

Movement: Still quite a lot of movement. I have started doing daily "kick counts" and he reaches 20 kicks or rolls very quickly. I have started to notice a schedule at night. He usually starts kicking around 10:30, 1:00, and 4:00.  Supposedly, this is when he will be awake during the night when he is born. If so, I'm already used to being awakened at those times, so that will be great!

Sleep: I feel like I'm back in the first trimester. I am ALWAYS tired. I sleep forever at night and then still take a nap during the day. Thank you to a great husband who works so hard so I can take naps!

Signs of Labor: Nope, but I have felt my first few Braxton Hicks "practice" contractions. No pain, just tightness.

Best Moment of the Week: Going to my doctor appointment and hearing Clark's heart beat. I love it! If I could have a monitor on him all day I would so I could listen all day.

Worst Moment of the Week: Finding out that I failed my 3 hour glucose test by one point. I have been banned from eating anymore sweets for the remainder of my pregnancy. (Hence the craving for sweets this week) However, I have been noticing a very adverse effect when I eat sweets (dizziness, faintness, and extreme hot flashes), so I am not as inclined to eat them as I was. Even cereal does this to me. Good thing I love eggs!

What I'm Looking Forward To: Next week I enter the third and final trimester! I am looking forward to holding our sweet babe and counting finger and toes. Also, our house loan is finally getting summited to USDA tomorrow, so the count down to moving into our house is on!

Victories of the Week: Possibly (most likely) having a middle name picked out for our babe! For some reason we could never agree or like a middle name for longer than a week. Let's see how long this one holds out for!

Moments of Happiness

This is an adoption related post. Just FYI. 

After placing my first child for adoption in 2009, I have almost dreaded being pregnant again.  Not because I hated being pregnant (which I did), but because I knew it would be different.  I knew that the next time I would be pregnant would be when I was happily married and that my situation and everything surrounding the pregnancy would be, well if not totally perfect, pretty dang close to perfect. I felt like I didn't know how to do a "happy" pregnancy.  I felt like I wouldn't know how to share my happiness with my husband. I felt like I wouldn't know how to be proud of my pregnancy.  I knew how to be sad, and lonely, and ashamed.  That's what I knew and I was scared. I was also afraid of how my family would react. Deep down, I knew they (and I) would be very happy and excited, but all I knew was the disappointment and shame, so that's what I expected. (PS. thank goodness for the aptly name "Sara" oil from YLEO. It has gotten me through a lot of pain and suffering related to Sara's adoption)

Fast forward to June-ish 2014. I have been happily married for 2.5 years. My husband, Dan, and I had been discussing for about a month about starting a family. We had just got back from a trip to Hawaii and my period was late. I cautiously took a pregnancy test. We couldn't be pregnant so quickly. Seeing those two little lines was like I had been hit on the head with an anvil. You know, in cartoons with the little birds singing in circles around your head? I was in shock. Very very VERY happy shock. I quickly called Dan over and made him look at the test.  He looked confused at the test and then looked at me questioningly. Yes, we are pregnant!! We were thrilled! This was the first of many moments I had where I thought to myself: This is what it is supposed to be like. (Go ahead and hum "So this is Love" from Cinderella. I did.)

Going to the doctor and proudly proclaiming that I was pregnant was yet another moment. Again with telling not only my family, but also Dan's family and having a joyful, hopeful, and not an all-together tearless reaction was another. The ultrasound (with my husband there!) was another. Having Dan WANT to feel his son move and kick is another. Having strangers comment on my belly and say how great little boys are (without any judgment on my young age) is yet another. 

All of my fears from after placement have been dashed away. If I think too hard on it, I will cry. And I usually do. I know I will be a complete mess when he is born. I won't be afraid of bonding too much. I won't be afraid of people showing up and ruining things. I won't be alone. Ok, ok. I wasn't alone, per say, during Sara's birth. But I will have my husband, the father of our baby, there beside me. 

Ok. This is probably going to come out strange. But I feel like Clark is my first child. Yes, yes, TECHNICALLY Sara is my first child. But she is Matt and Evige's second child first and foremost. This is not to say that I love Sara any less. Or that I love Clark any more. I am not quite sure where I'm going with this. But when people ask me if this is my first child, I say yes. Without hesitating. Unless, of course, the question has some medical reasoning behind it. Then I say something like yes, and no, and then I explain. But yes. Clark is my first child. 

And I can't wait for all the rest of "firsts" that will come with him. 

Why is first such a weird looking word?

Week 25

I am officially 25 weeks along! Only 14 to go, before we meet our babe.

Clark is the size of an Eggplant this week, or about 9 inches long and about 1.7 pounds. This week he is packing on fat to fill in his wrinkly skin and his nostrils become unclogged. Also, the next three weeks are when he is supposed to be the most active.  I can't wait to feel more of his acrobatics!


Here is more of what went on last week:

Cravings: Milk milk milk and milk. And lets not forget the banana cream pie shake! I made one out of desperation on Sunday.  It was alright, but not the same.

Belly button: It's doing this half in half out thing. The top is an outie, but the bottom is still an innie.

Wedding Ring: ON

Movement: Clark is moving a TON. He is getting pretty good at kicking me through his anterior placenta. (the placenta has attached itself on my tummy side, rather that on my sides or back. So to get me to feel anything, he has to kick pretty hard.)

Sleep: It's...alright.  I had an unfortunate experience at the hospital this week that has left me in some considerable pain, so shifting and turning from one side to the other actually makes me call out in pain.  (more on this later) Other than that, its been good!

Signs of Labor: The short answer is no, thank goodness. If you want to read about my scary hospital story, read on.
Tuesday at about 10:30 PM I felt like my water had broken. It felt EXACTLY like it did when my water broke with Sara. So, I called my dr.'s after hours number and was instructed to go to labor and delivery. Dan and I are living in Alpine while we wait for our house, but we are planning on delivering in Provo. So we had to decide. Do we go to American Fork hospital because they may just send us home, or do we drive all the way to Provo in the chance that my water really had broken and they refuse to let me go home? In the end, we decided to make the trek to Provo, just in case. Once we got to L&D, I had to have a few tests done to figure out if, in fact, my water really had broken. This included a vaginal exam. WORST. EXAM. EVER. It pulled out tears and a cry of pain from me and a concerned look from Dan. And also a bit of blood. In the end, my water hadn't broken and we were send home. But Wednesday was a one-floor-day. I could not move very far or very fast. Thursday I was feeling much better, but did way too much and re-injured myself by running, so today- Friday -I am once again having a one-floor-day. No stairs for me. Hopefully I am feeling good enough to go to the BYU game later, but we will see.

Best Moment Of The Week: Being able to leave the hospital with Clark still growing and healthy. And also, hearing our babes heart beat for 2 hours straight while waiting for test results in the hospital. He hated those monitors and would kick them. The nurse had to fight with him to get it to stay on. :)

Worst Moment Of The Week: Thinking that my babe might be born at 24 weeks and that he would have a very rough time of it out of the womb.  Stay in babe! And stop making momma worry! (good luck with that)

What I'm Looking Forward To: Buying baby stuff! I'm feeling antsy. I think it might be a mad rush at the end to get everything.

Victories of The Week: Keeping a baby in me! Wahoo!

I planned on taking a "bump" picture of myself...but it just didn't happen. I shall try to remember to take one soon.

Baby Mortimer Post #2 or Microscopic Colitis is Ruining My Groove

What in the world is happening to my body?? This isn't just normal pregnancy complaints. It has got me monthly appointments with my GI doctor, an endoscopy, an ultrasound of my leg and abdominal organs, the discovery that my body is giving signs of malnutrition, and strict instructions from my doctor to eat more calories. I tracked my calories for 6 days. I normally eat almost 2,000 a day. I am to eat 7-9 times a day with boost, ensure, or the like in between.  The problem? My Microscopic Colitis is at it again.

Here is a quick course of MC 101:

Basically, I have microscopic inflammation in my intestines. It causes chronic diarrhea, nausea, and joint pain. All medical information on this is over 40 years old. And most of it is wrong. It is looked at as an "old person" nuisance disease, with no treatment other than to just deal with it. I probably know more about MC than most GI doctors in Utah. When I go to a new doctor, I have to explain what it is, as it is not very common. (That, or it is just mis-diagnosed in most cases)

So, what have CAN I do about it?

I was treating it with oils before I got pregnant. However, the oils I was using (ginger, lemongrass, Di-Gize, and others) and the amount I was using them is not safe while pregnant. So, I'm just biding my time and wading through my flare-ups. And trying to eat more.

My endoscopy came back good, with a small sign of acid reflux. No celiac.  I was half convinced that was part of the problem.  Well, back to the drawing board. My doctor wants to do that procedure where you swallow the camera-pill, however, it has to wait until Clark is born. If that comes back clean, then the next step is a CAT scan of my intestines.  Sounds expensive.

My biggest concern is that this can affect Clark. I read a medical study that found a correlation between uncontrolled Ulcerative Colitis and preterm birth. Now, UC and MC are worlds different, but Sara (my little one who I placed for adoption 5 years ago -- read my adoption story HERE) was born early. Exactly four weeks early.  I worry little Clark will be born early as well, and that he will be too small, or not developed enough, or whatever.

My next Baby Mortimer post will be about my feelings of being pregnant after choosing to place my first baby. There will be tears. Lots and lots and lots of tears. (your's may be because of my terrible writing, but whatever.)

Baby Mortimer #1

I may have to do this in multiple posts. There is just so much to write about!

First a quick update:

I am currently exactly 24 weeks along. Clark is about the size of an ear of corn -- which sounds super long and pointy to me. I don't like the idea of something pointy to me. Plus, last week he was supposed to be the size of a papaya.  I dunno...in my mind papaya is bigger than an ear of corn. So maybe this food comparison is screwy.  It is kind of weird. Anyhow, he is about 8.5 in long and 1.5 pounds. Only 16 weeks to go until I get to meet this wiggly guy!

Ok, here's The List:

Craving: Watermelon and BK Whopper Jr's (gross but so delicious)

Belly button: Still an innie, but it may give up the fight to stay that way any day now.

Wedding ring: Still on, unless it is SUPER hot like it has been the last couple of days.

Movement: Lots of it! :) He moves most at night and after I eat.

Sleep: It has been harder and harder to get all the sleep my body feels it needs. I have been having horrible hip pain from sleeping on my sides and it will wake me up at odd hours.  This morning I woke up at 5 and was wide awake.

Signs of Labor: No thank goodness.  I have yet to have Braxton Hicks as well.

Best moment of the week: Finding a house we love! Also, going to the Temple with my beautiful sister.  Also, finding out I do not have celiac and that I have gained a few pounds.

Worst moment of the week: Finding out there is no explanation to why I haven't been gaining weight and that my body is starving itself (other than pregnancy itself) and that the meds that may help with my Microscopic Colitis cost a small fortune for a months supply. So...we are skipping the medication that may or may not help. The other problem is that any oils I could use to help, are not recommended for use during pregnancy. So, yet another reason to wish the next 16 weeks fly by!

What I'm looking Forward to: Moving into our new house and decorating Clark's room!

Victories of the Week: Gaining 5 pounds! That's a total of....5!

Alright, I will make a new post for other baby/pregnancy related news.  We are so excited!

New Blog

Ah! Blogger.  I've missed you, old friend.  As some of you (ok most) may know, I blogged pretty religiously for my old blog  I am excited to start this new blog in honor of a new life.

I have several topics I would like to cover, but will give each one it's own post. This is what you have to look forward to!

1. Baby Mortimer

2. Buying A House or The Business Of Being Homeless (and money-less)

3. New Business

I am super excited to get posting, but I am currently getting kicked in the bladder as a reminder that it is lunch time. I'm sure I will post soon.

'Till next time!