32 Weeks

This last week went by so fast. I can only hope time continues to go by fast. Kind of. I have loved feeling Clark kick me...and also kind of not loved it at the same time (I can only be kicked in the ribs so often before I try to move him). I can't wait to have him in my arms.

I am 32 weeks along! I am feeling more and more tired and I run out of breath very fast. If Clark comes the same time as Sara did, that gives us four weeks before he comes. Hopefully, he won't come that early.

At 32 weeks, Clark is the size of a Florida Pomelo. Whatever that is. Here is a picture of one.

So, a giant grapefruit? I dunno. 

He weighs 3.75 pounds and is about 16.7 inches long. 

Fun fact- My blood volume has increased by 40-50% since becoming pregnant. 

Cravings: Thanksgiving food. I can't wait! We alternate Thanksgiving every year and this year is with Dan's family. They have a tradition of going to Little America for the buffet there.  I have been excited for Thanksgiving since June. 

Belly Button: Mostly out. But still kinda in. 

Wedding Ring: Still banned from wearing it. But I think I have swollen enough that it wouldn't fit if tried.

Sleep: Alright. I have had to get up a thousand times to go to the bathroom because I am just so thirsty all the time. I usually have to get a drink in the middle of the night too. But, I wake up exhausted and usually have to take a nap during the day.

Signs of Labor: I had three contractions yesterday. They were random and not very painful. So Braxton Hicks, I suppose. Practice makes perfect!

Best (and also worst) Moment of the Week: Worst: Finding out that the loan we wanted to use (USDA) will not accept our loan.  Best: I have the best husband ever who works so hard for our family, so we can do a different loan (conventional). We will be closing on our house around December 1st. The sellers have offered to let us move in before closing, so that means we are moving into our house THIS WEEK!! I am so excited! I will post pictures. 

What I'm Looking Forward To: When I can hold my son in my arms. I have been looking forward to holding him for 5 years. I will do another blog post about this soon. I am so in love with this little boy, I sometimes zone out thinking about it. 

Here is a picture of me...ok, of my tummy. Instagram cut out my face. It's all about Clark anyway, right?

Ahoy! It's A Boy!

The WONDERFUL ladies in my Mother's ward threw me a shower last Thursday. It was amazing! The decorations were so adorable.

My "Diaper Cake" was a boat! How cute!

Honestly, I was looking forward to having a baby shower from the moment I found out I was pregnant.  A baby shower seems like it is a such a big...I dunno...validation? Like, ok, you ARE going to have a baby. And soon! I was so happy to have all the ladies from my "home" ward gather around me and be so happy for me.

"Clam" sandwich

I am so luck to have grown up in a ward where I can still feel welcome and at home even when I haven't been in the ward for years. I don't think I could ever thank these ladies enough for all the support they have given me and my family throughout the years.

"Oyster" cookies

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Napkin with a Life Saver

"Octopus" red pepper dip

"Life preserver" donuts

ADORABLE decorations

Thank you so much for your generosity 2nd Ward ladies! ALL the gifts I received are adorable, useful, and so very needed! I feel spoiled and so very loved by all of you. Thank you for helping me feel like a mommy-to-be!  This party was so much more to me than a celebration of Clark. It was a celebration of becoming a mom. A celebration of all my dreams coming true.

Thank you!!

31 Weeks!

Have you heard that Mountain Star Hospital commercial that is titled something like "A Pregnancy in 30 Seconds"?  Well I'm to the point where she says, "I feel fat." Not that I am fat, but that I literally take up more room than I think. I went to my doctor appointment on Monday and I had a bruise (that I cannot see) on my lower tummy. Probably from opening doors and cabinets on my belly all day.

Anyway, I am 31 weeks along! According to my new non-stress inducing pregnancy app, Clark is the size of a head of romaine lettuce. Now, is that Costco size, or nah? Cause that makes a HUGE difference. He should be 17 1/2 inches tall and weigh over 3 1/2 pounds. He is apparently gaining a half pound a week. Maybe more. I have a feeling he is going to be a big baby.


Cravings: Pomegranates. I have asked Dan to give me a Costco case of them to me for Christmas. I want to open them all up at once into a huge bowl and I might share.  Maybe.

 Belly Button: Same old, same old.

Wedding Ring: I'm still banned from wearing it. So, nope.

Sleep: Eh. Alright. I get really thirsty at night and end up drinking 9 or so glasses of water between dinner and going to bed. So that has greatly affected my sleep.

Signs of Labor: None, but I can feel Clark starting to drop. Which is a strange sensation.

Best Moment of the Week: My mother came with me to my doctor appointment and she got to hear Clark's heart beat! After that, we went to the mall and she bought me some really cute maternity jeans, shirts, and sweater. I love clothes that fit! Also, the ladies in my mom's ward threw me a shower. :) I loved it! More on that later. It is it's own post.

Worst Moment of the Week: Hearing that my sweet little niece Ellie is back in the hospital. Poor little girl (and mommy and daddy) can't get a break!

What I'm Looking Forward To: Unpacking all of the (seriously) AWESOME gifts I got at my shower! Honestly, I don't know any better ward than my parents ward. SO generous!

Complaining

I am not one to complain. Usually. Normally, my answer to the question "How are you today?" is a genuine, "I'm doing great!". I have noticed lately that my complaining has gone up quite a bit while pregnant and I think I have discovered why.

I recently complained on Facebook about having to under go a common medical test concerning my pregnancy. One of my friends who is currently pregnant with her miracle baby after struggling with infertility for years called me out on it. And rightly so. I should be grateful that I had no trouble getting pregnant or staying pregnant. However, I felt like I had a right to complain and didn't know why I felt this way. P.S. Thank you Friend, for the virtual kick in the pants. Because I have felt pain at other's complaining, I needed the reminder that I could be more compassionate and aware. Hopefully, my online complaining has decreased.  

I know that there are probably friends of mine who are struggling with infertility right now, but quietly and privately. Or are longing for children but for one reason or another, it is not time yet. To see a post about me complaining about being pregnant I'm sure is a stab to their emotions and it may feel like I am adding to their pain. I am so sorry for your pain. I know a bit of how that feels. I know this because I experienced a bit of this jealousy and pain myself after I placed Sara.
Note: I do not pretend to know the pain of waiting for a child and being unable to have one. I know that my pain after placement is not necessarily greater or less than the pain of infertility - It's just different. 

After Sara was born, I went through major jealousy issues. I unfriended anyone on Facebook that had a child under two years old. I couldn't handle seeing their happiness. It made me too sad to see it. I couldn't handle hearing the complaints of how so-and-so's daughter was throwing tantrums all day and all I could think was, "I would give ANYTHING to deal with a tantrum all day if it meant I could be Sara's momma!". I realize now that my pain should not get in the way of other's happiness.  The fact that I was in pain should not change how anyone was living their lives. I should not have expected everyone to put their lives, their happiness (or frustration at their kids), on hold while I healed.

So this is why I think I have upped my my complaining game:

I didn't feel like I deserved to complain while pregnant with Sara. 

I said this out loud to Dan the other day and it came out weird, but I will say it again as I cannot come up with a better way to explain it.

I didn't feel like I deserved to because I had basically gotten myself into that situation. (I know, I know. Just hold on. I will explain.)
Being pregnant and single, I felt like I didn't deserve to complain about the pregnancy because it was my fault for being there. It was my fault I didn't wait until marriage. It was my fault I was having to choose a family other than myself to be my child's family. I felt like if I complained, then I was accepting that being pregnant and single was a good thing for myself and for my child. So I buckled down and accepted what was coming at me. Because I deserved it. (In my mind)

Fast forward to being in a very happy marriage, where my husband and I were both ready for a child and are excited to bring a baby into our hearts and home. I feel safe. I feel happier than I've ever been. And honestly, this hasn't been a hard pregnancy.

But I'm complaining.

BECAUSE I feel safe. BECAUSE I am happy. BECAUSE I feel like I finally deserve to feel like I CAN complain. And honestly, I think the complaining is doubled from what it would normally be. Like I'm making up for lost time.

So when you hear me complain about my hips for the thousandth time, just remember it's because I feel like I finally can.

Week 30

Huzzah! Ten weeks left until my due date! The last ten flew by, so I'm hoping that's what happens for the next ten weeks too. Unless he comes early...We will cross that bridge if it comes.

This is what is going on with Clark and me in week 30:

Clark is about 15.7 inches long and about 3 pounds. Apparently, that's about the size of a large cabbage.  His vision is improving, but only slightly. He is still practicing "breathing" and is swallowing quite a bit of amniotic fluid a day.

Now that I am in the third trimester, I am expected to get more tired and clumsy as the weeks go on. That explains a lot, actually.

Here is the list:

Cravings: Nothing in particular. I did have a pretty intense craving for another BLT the other day. But nothing new.

Belly Button: Same as two weeks ago. Kinda in, kinda out.

Wedding Ring: Off. :(  Boo. I have been banned from wearing it since this last weekend.  Dan and I cat/house sat for my brother and his wife while they were gone. My fingers were swollen, but I was determined to keep wearing it. So, I shoved it on. My finger turned purple instantly, and Dan had to slowly twist it off while I whimpered in pain. So, Dan banned me from wearing it for the rest of the pregnancy. I think I could still wear it most days, but alas, it is not to be.

Sleep:  I'm doing ok in this area. Mostly. I am sleeping A LOT, though. I keep waking up to find myself on my back which freaks me out, but thats ok.

Signs of Labor: No, but I'm starting to feel huge.

Best Moment of the Week: Our house drama finally took another step forward. Hopefully USDA approves of the work being done and will take our loan. Positive thoughts toward this happening are VERY appreciated.

Worst Moment of the Week: My mom started chemo last week. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer and it has been very...I'm struggling to find the right word here. Stressful. Emotional. Sad. Nerve-wracking. Choose any of those. My mother has been so strong and brave about the whole thing. I'm so proud of her and hope that I would handle such a life changing challenge as gracefully and as bravely as she has.

What I'm Looking Forward To: The house we are buying has a giant soaking tub in the master bath. I can't wait to take a bath where water covers all of me and not just 60% or so.

Victories of the Week: Not peeing my pants once! I have been a little extra sneezy lately. I'm not sick, but it does cause some problems with keeping myself dry. Yay for not needing to change half way through the day!

Here is a really crappy picture of my giant belly.