36-ish Weeks

Ah.  The home stretch. I am currently 36 weeks and 5 days along. So, pretty much 37 weeks. But whatever. I only have three weeks left until my due date. I'm hoping he comes a little early (kind of), but Dan would prefer if he waited until after Christmas to make his debut.

This week Clark is full term, depending on where you look. Some websites claim 37 weeks to be full term, but some claim 39 weeks is full term. I'm just happy he is still growing and developing. As much as I would like to have him here now, I would rather he stay cooking until he is all ready. ;)

He is the size of a winter melon this week. Again, where are these people finding all these obscure fruits and vegetables? I have no idea what a winter melon is.  From pictures, it looks like a giant cucumber. Here is one for your viewing pleasure:

We are FINALLY homeowners!! We love our new house and we are almost completely unpacked. My beautiful sister Tori came over and helped me put Clark's crib together. The recliners that Dan and I picked out will be coming Christmas Eve. I have washed and folded all of Clark's clothes and blankets. I have packed his hospital bag and packing mine is on the agenda for this week. I am starting to feel like we are actually somewhat prepared. There is still a lot to do, however. We will get there, I'm sure. It might all happen after he is born, but what can you do. I will do my best to get pictures soon.

Cravings: None, really. I still eat inhumane amounts of peanut butter every day though. I may not be able to eat peanut butter (or Honey Bunches of Oats) after this pregnancy.

Wedding Ring: Still wearing the sub-par replacement.

Sleep: Same as always. Can't seem to get enough of it.

Signs of Labor: Quite a lot actually! Two days ago, I had a lot of contractions. None of them were consistent enough to call it 'real' labor, but they must have done something. I had my doctor appointment yesterday and they "checked" me for the first time. I am currently measuring at 2 cm and am 70% effaced. Yay for progress before actual labor pain! Clark is in the "negative one" stage, which means he is still really high up. Apparently second babies rarely "drop" until you are in full labor. I have also had quite a few contractions yesterday, but again, none of them were consistent. They are, however, getting stronger. They are still not strong enough for me to stop what I'm doing or saying, but they are stronger.

Best Moment of the Week:  Putting Clark's room in order and building his crib. I can't wait to have everything ready for this babe to come!

What I'm Looking Forward To: The recliners Dan and I bought to come on Christmas Eve. We bought two because they were on super sale or something. Also, because we are not good at sharing. Seriously, I think I sat in it for a good half hour in the store. I haven't been that comfortable in months.

34 Weeks

Heyo! I am 34 weeks along today! I have not been good at writing these on the actual day that I graduate from week to week. Sorry about that. I will attempt to be better at that. Maybe. It all depends on how many episodes of Gillmore Girls I end up watching on Thursdays. (I think I'm on number 5 right now. I would be embarrassed, but I'm not. What? It's a good show!)

I'm not planning on changing out of my pajamas today.
So here is a very cute piece of pregnancy art that I'm seriously considering buying
instead of a scary photo of me.
You're welcome.

Clark is currently the size of a cantaloupe...I think we did this one already. Is a summer cantaloupe different from a regular cantaloupe? I think that's what he was a couple weeks ago. Any how, he is approx. 4.75 pounds and 18 inches long.  Half of every pound I gain until he is born is from him. He is swallowing about a pint of amniotic fluid every day, practicing for when he is born.  He is quickly running out of room, and is expressing his displeasure (or maybe he likes it?) by planting his feet in my ribs and kicking anything that intrudes on his shrinking bedroom. (like Daddy's arm or head if rested on my tummy. I love it.)

I got our car seat in the mail this week! We are skipping the infant car seat stage all together and going straight to the convertible.  This thing is giant. Clark is going to look so tiny in it. I installed it into my car yesterday...for those of you who don't know, my car is a tiny Honda Civic coupe. It fits, but barely. And getting him in and out will require no small amount of gymnastics. Luckily, it fits better in Dan's car where it will live most of the time anyway. (It has seat anchors, and mine doesn't)

You may remember me complaining about my pregnancy induced monster acne. If you have seen me lately, you have come face to face with it. I'm sorry. It is scary. These are not just little zits. These are giant, painful, red, tender, welts that are very distantly related to acne only because that's what my doctor says it is. I have tried everything you can safely do while pregnant to get rid of them. And...TaDa! I found a way! Dan and I buy the Thieves Hand Soap from Young Living Essential Oils and one day (Monday) I decided to wash my face with it. A few hours later and I saw a MAJOR difference in my complexion. Thank goodness for not looking like a 16 year old with volcano level acne.

Cravings: Nothing in particular the past week. Brownies. My Mother-In-Law made these super good homemade brownies and they smelled soooo gooooood. Which isn't good because of my doctor mandated no-sugar rule.

Belly Button: Same old same old. No change.

Wedding Ring: Bah. I wish I was still wearing it. I went out with Tori to do some Black Friday shopping and found a (sub par) replacement that is large enough to not freak Dan out. That means it is also large enough to fling off my finger at random times. Oddly enough, this happens mostly in the bathroom, where it almost always barely misses falling into the toilet.

Sleep: Same as always. Needing more and more and needing to go the bathroom more and more. A nap is a daily need now. Sometimes, this nap happens after a few hours of waking up for the day. Everything makes me tired now. Especially showers. I dread taking them because I know I will want a nap afterwards and then I ruin my chances of any semblance of a good hair day.

Signs of Labor: Just the random contraction every now and again. And pelvic pressure that comes and goes. Nothing to indicate Clark's arrival anytime soon.

Best and Worst Moment of the Week: Remember when I said we would be moving a few weeks ago? Well, that didn't happen.(Worst) This weekend, though, is the real deal! We are closing on Friday. (Best) So that means we are ACTUALLY moving this weekend! I have seriously been freaking out that we are not in our house and I am this far along. Clark could come literally any day and we are grossly underprepared.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Sleeping on my back again. I have been missing it this last week. It will be even better when I have an adorable babe to snuggle with.

Dream Baby (Adoption Related Post)

A little more than 5 years ago (ok, more than a little), I was pregnant with my first child. And I was single. I was about 15 weeks pregnant and was exploring my options within adoption. I had learned that I could have an open adoption and that my relationship with my child wouldn't end tragically with me in the hospital, weeping and tearing my hair out, never to see my baby again. I had learned that I could choose the people who would raise my baby. 

I made a list. This was a very detailed list of attributes I wished the parents of my baby to have. I didn't have anything in common with these two (supposably imaginary, as I never thought I could find people with everything I wanted) people, other than I knew I wanted to be like them "when I grew up." Here is a VERY SMALL sample of my requirements:

Her:

Stay at home mom

Likes to craft

Makes her own baby food

Plays with her kids

Strong testimony of the Gospel 

Loves music

Teaches her children of Christ

Supports her husband as father to her children

--I had a LOT more requirements for the mother of this family than the father. Like two handwritten pages full of them. My reasoning was, that if I could find a woman who fit my list, she wouldn't choose a dud of a husband, so to speak. She would be smart enough to find a partner who matched her. 

Him:

Returned missionary

Stable job

His kids are sad to see him go to work and thrilled to have him come home

Supports his wife as mother to his children

Strong testimony of the Gospel

Priesthood holder

Plays with his children

I chose these things because that what I imagined myself and my future husband would be like when we had children. If I couldn't give my child all these things myself right then, then I was going to find people who would.

I spent weeks looking online and bawling as I imagined placing my baby. I knew through personal revelation that the family I was looking for had already adopted. Also, I knew I wanted an open relationship and (selfishly) didn't want to be the guinea pig in an open adoption, so I was specifically looking for a family that had already adopted and had an open relationship with their first child's birth parents.

After receiving some help from my angel counselor, I thought I found a family. A few things stood out to me. One, I didn't bawl my eyes out reading their profile. In fact, I laughed. Two, I felt like I was reading what a future me and future husband would have written. 

I started emailing them back and forth to get to know them better.  I didn't even tell them I was pregnant, however, I was emailing them through LDS Family Services, so I guess they knew. 

I liked this couple, but I wasn't convinced yet.

Up to this point, I was convinced I was having a boy. I had been having dreams of me holding a baby boy, so I was convinced I was pregnant with a boy. Around week 20, I had an ultrasound. When I was told I was having a girl, I was shocked. I KNEW I was having a boy! I had them triple check, and after multiple scans to make sure, I was convinced to the reality of being pregnant with a girl. 

Baby Girl. She never left that upside-down position.

That night I had two very vivid dreams. In one, I saw Evige (the woman of the family I was communicating with) holding a baby girl. In the other, I saw myself holding that same baby boy I had been dreaming about my whole pregnancy, with a shadow of a man behind me. These dreams told me 1) Evige is this little girl's mother, and 2) I was to have a baby boy sometime in the future with my future husband. 

Evige and Sara, with Jorgen and Matt in the background.
 This is the day Sara was sealed to her family.

This dream, combined with a few other very large signs from our Heavenly Father, convinced me to the reality that my baby girl was intended to be raised by Matt and Evige. 

Why am I writing about this now? 

Because I am pregnant with my dream baby boy. And I have a husband who exceeds my list of requirements, as I try to live up to my own list. 

I love this man with all my heart and soul.
I am so lucky to call him my husband.

I thank Heavenly Father every day for giving me that bit of hope in the darkest and saddest part of my life. I knew that I would have a baby boy. And that I was to be his mother. I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me for who I am and supports me. I am so blessed to be pregnant with my promised baby boy. I have hoped and wished for my growing little family for years and years. And I am overwhelmed by joy. 

My Dream Baby.
I can't wait to hold Clark in my arms, as he has been
in my heart for years.

32 Weeks

This last week went by so fast. I can only hope time continues to go by fast. Kind of. I have loved feeling Clark kick me...and also kind of not loved it at the same time (I can only be kicked in the ribs so often before I try to move him). I can't wait to have him in my arms.

I am 32 weeks along! I am feeling more and more tired and I run out of breath very fast. If Clark comes the same time as Sara did, that gives us four weeks before he comes. Hopefully, he won't come that early.

At 32 weeks, Clark is the size of a Florida Pomelo. Whatever that is. Here is a picture of one.

So, a giant grapefruit? I dunno. 

He weighs 3.75 pounds and is about 16.7 inches long. 

Fun fact- My blood volume has increased by 40-50% since becoming pregnant. 

Cravings: Thanksgiving food. I can't wait! We alternate Thanksgiving every year and this year is with Dan's family. They have a tradition of going to Little America for the buffet there.  I have been excited for Thanksgiving since June. 

Belly Button: Mostly out. But still kinda in. 

Wedding Ring: Still banned from wearing it. But I think I have swollen enough that it wouldn't fit if tried.

Sleep: Alright. I have had to get up a thousand times to go to the bathroom because I am just so thirsty all the time. I usually have to get a drink in the middle of the night too. But, I wake up exhausted and usually have to take a nap during the day.

Signs of Labor: I had three contractions yesterday. They were random and not very painful. So Braxton Hicks, I suppose. Practice makes perfect!

Best (and also worst) Moment of the Week: Worst: Finding out that the loan we wanted to use (USDA) will not accept our loan.  Best: I have the best husband ever who works so hard for our family, so we can do a different loan (conventional). We will be closing on our house around December 1st. The sellers have offered to let us move in before closing, so that means we are moving into our house THIS WEEK!! I am so excited! I will post pictures. 

What I'm Looking Forward To: When I can hold my son in my arms. I have been looking forward to holding him for 5 years. I will do another blog post about this soon. I am so in love with this little boy, I sometimes zone out thinking about it. 

Here is a picture of me...ok, of my tummy. Instagram cut out my face. It's all about Clark anyway, right?

Ahoy! It's A Boy!

The WONDERFUL ladies in my Mother's ward threw me a shower last Thursday. It was amazing! The decorations were so adorable.

My "Diaper Cake" was a boat! How cute!

Honestly, I was looking forward to having a baby shower from the moment I found out I was pregnant.  A baby shower seems like it is a such a big...I dunno...validation? Like, ok, you ARE going to have a baby. And soon! I was so happy to have all the ladies from my "home" ward gather around me and be so happy for me.

"Clam" sandwich

I am so luck to have grown up in a ward where I can still feel welcome and at home even when I haven't been in the ward for years. I don't think I could ever thank these ladies enough for all the support they have given me and my family throughout the years.

"Oyster" cookies

Add caption

Napkin with a Life Saver

"Octopus" red pepper dip

"Life preserver" donuts

ADORABLE decorations

Thank you so much for your generosity 2nd Ward ladies! ALL the gifts I received are adorable, useful, and so very needed! I feel spoiled and so very loved by all of you. Thank you for helping me feel like a mommy-to-be!  This party was so much more to me than a celebration of Clark. It was a celebration of becoming a mom. A celebration of all my dreams coming true.

Thank you!!

31 Weeks!

Have you heard that Mountain Star Hospital commercial that is titled something like "A Pregnancy in 30 Seconds"?  Well I'm to the point where she says, "I feel fat." Not that I am fat, but that I literally take up more room than I think. I went to my doctor appointment on Monday and I had a bruise (that I cannot see) on my lower tummy. Probably from opening doors and cabinets on my belly all day.

Anyway, I am 31 weeks along! According to my new non-stress inducing pregnancy app, Clark is the size of a head of romaine lettuce. Now, is that Costco size, or nah? Cause that makes a HUGE difference. He should be 17 1/2 inches tall and weigh over 3 1/2 pounds. He is apparently gaining a half pound a week. Maybe more. I have a feeling he is going to be a big baby.


Cravings: Pomegranates. I have asked Dan to give me a Costco case of them to me for Christmas. I want to open them all up at once into a huge bowl and I might share.  Maybe.

 Belly Button: Same old, same old.

Wedding Ring: I'm still banned from wearing it. So, nope.

Sleep: Eh. Alright. I get really thirsty at night and end up drinking 9 or so glasses of water between dinner and going to bed. So that has greatly affected my sleep.

Signs of Labor: None, but I can feel Clark starting to drop. Which is a strange sensation.

Best Moment of the Week: My mother came with me to my doctor appointment and she got to hear Clark's heart beat! After that, we went to the mall and she bought me some really cute maternity jeans, shirts, and sweater. I love clothes that fit! Also, the ladies in my mom's ward threw me a shower. :) I loved it! More on that later. It is it's own post.

Worst Moment of the Week: Hearing that my sweet little niece Ellie is back in the hospital. Poor little girl (and mommy and daddy) can't get a break!

What I'm Looking Forward To: Unpacking all of the (seriously) AWESOME gifts I got at my shower! Honestly, I don't know any better ward than my parents ward. SO generous!

Complaining

I am not one to complain. Usually. Normally, my answer to the question "How are you today?" is a genuine, "I'm doing great!". I have noticed lately that my complaining has gone up quite a bit while pregnant and I think I have discovered why.

I recently complained on Facebook about having to under go a common medical test concerning my pregnancy. One of my friends who is currently pregnant with her miracle baby after struggling with infertility for years called me out on it. And rightly so. I should be grateful that I had no trouble getting pregnant or staying pregnant. However, I felt like I had a right to complain and didn't know why I felt this way. P.S. Thank you Friend, for the virtual kick in the pants. Because I have felt pain at other's complaining, I needed the reminder that I could be more compassionate and aware. Hopefully, my online complaining has decreased.  

I know that there are probably friends of mine who are struggling with infertility right now, but quietly and privately. Or are longing for children but for one reason or another, it is not time yet. To see a post about me complaining about being pregnant I'm sure is a stab to their emotions and it may feel like I am adding to their pain. I am so sorry for your pain. I know a bit of how that feels. I know this because I experienced a bit of this jealousy and pain myself after I placed Sara.
Note: I do not pretend to know the pain of waiting for a child and being unable to have one. I know that my pain after placement is not necessarily greater or less than the pain of infertility - It's just different. 

After Sara was born, I went through major jealousy issues. I unfriended anyone on Facebook that had a child under two years old. I couldn't handle seeing their happiness. It made me too sad to see it. I couldn't handle hearing the complaints of how so-and-so's daughter was throwing tantrums all day and all I could think was, "I would give ANYTHING to deal with a tantrum all day if it meant I could be Sara's momma!". I realize now that my pain should not get in the way of other's happiness.  The fact that I was in pain should not change how anyone was living their lives. I should not have expected everyone to put their lives, their happiness (or frustration at their kids), on hold while I healed.

So this is why I think I have upped my my complaining game:

I didn't feel like I deserved to complain while pregnant with Sara. 

I said this out loud to Dan the other day and it came out weird, but I will say it again as I cannot come up with a better way to explain it.

I didn't feel like I deserved to because I had basically gotten myself into that situation. (I know, I know. Just hold on. I will explain.)
Being pregnant and single, I felt like I didn't deserve to complain about the pregnancy because it was my fault for being there. It was my fault I didn't wait until marriage. It was my fault I was having to choose a family other than myself to be my child's family. I felt like if I complained, then I was accepting that being pregnant and single was a good thing for myself and for my child. So I buckled down and accepted what was coming at me. Because I deserved it. (In my mind)

Fast forward to being in a very happy marriage, where my husband and I were both ready for a child and are excited to bring a baby into our hearts and home. I feel safe. I feel happier than I've ever been. And honestly, this hasn't been a hard pregnancy.

But I'm complaining.

BECAUSE I feel safe. BECAUSE I am happy. BECAUSE I feel like I finally deserve to feel like I CAN complain. And honestly, I think the complaining is doubled from what it would normally be. Like I'm making up for lost time.

So when you hear me complain about my hips for the thousandth time, just remember it's because I feel like I finally can.